A Letter To God.

Dear God,


I cried so hard. I couldn't believe that Daddy left us so early.

At the age of 50.

I remembered Daddy used to tell me to do things slowly, to take a few moment to gasp for a breath, think clearly whenever I face problems. And to inform him whenever I am in any difficulty.

Daddy didn't want me to push myself too hard.

***

Daddy's an oil tanker. His job, I must say, is one of the most dangerous jobs ever existed in the world. His pay? Pfft.

My regret #1: I didn't manage to buy Daddy a life insurance.

Looking at his tattered bag that he used for work, I just couldn't help myself crying pitifully. In his bag were canned food+instant noodles. And all of them were crushed in the accident.

Regret #2: I didn't manage to take him to a fancy restaurant for a fancy dinner.

***

2/12/2010 - I just came back from Taipei the day Daddy died. Only God knows how broken my spirit was when I received Mummy+Henny's text messages.

I cried the whole way back to my hometown, Sibu. Choking. From my heart of despair.

Somehow deep in my heart, I was hoping that the whole incident was untrue. A lame joke. A prank just to teach me a lesson for doing something wrong in the past.

I wanted to see Daddy in the hospital bed, alive. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to smile at him. Hug him. And tell him how much I love him.

Deep regret #3: I didn't spare extra time to chat with Daddy whenever he called from his workplace.

It's not easy for him to receive good signals and call the rest of my family members. Not to mention about being able to reach me through the phone. I wished I had five more minutes? Okay maybe one more minute to express my love to Daddy?

It's all too late.

***

Regret #4: I didn't manage to go for a holiday with Daddy overseas. I didn't manage to let him feel the snow during winter. Wear a lovely trench coat like I always do.

I can still remember how cold his body was in the mortuary.

Regret #5: Screw Prada. I wanted to get him a tailored suit. And together we take a perfect family photo. Not to be able to wear a suit only when he's lying still in the coffin.

***

Deepest regrets of all in my whole life. I could only look at his body, apologize and tell him to rest in peace; I'll take over everything from now on.

Daddy's a real man. Memories flashed through my mind; he would sacrifice anything for us. He loves us very much. I wish I had showed as much love to him. I would trade in anything in my life to get him back, but I realize though, I should move on and accept this ugly truth. Daddy's no longer here with us.

May Daddy's soul be happy with God in heaven.

***

God, I've learnt my lesson this time. I shall appreciate my love ones, everyone beside me more.

Please let Mummy go through this strongly? I can't imagine the love of my life leaves me someday, I don't know how that feels, but I can see the sorrow in Mummy's eyes. Please let her know, that she still has Henny and me?

I will never let her suffer again no matter how.

God please bless all my relatives+friends who gave us the support we needed?

***

My teardrops poured like Niagara Falls and dried like rain in the dessert. And my life will never ever be the same.

Heading back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow. I have to face my work, again, whether I like it or not. I still have to carry out my responsibility.

God before I end this.

Just. Grant a lil' happiness in me?

I miss Daddy.

Yours truly,
Welister.
xoxo.