If I Were Stronger.

Heading back to KUL tomorrow. I just hope my insomnia is lost for good.

Apparently Mummy's still in grief. Again we talked and cried and talked and sobbed. Oh me oh my, being back in hometown doesn't get me any better.

I am very worried about Mummy. I know that we're quite over it by now, it's just that when I imagine myself in my Mummy's shoes, I'd be even worse I suppose? Mummy's a really strong person - I wish I have half of her strength, spiritually.

God, please grant her more patience? And good health? 

I don't wanna be so worried all the time. Not anymore. I have to do something about this. But how?



But how?
But how?
But how?




Sometimes I do really pity myself for not having the same life as others.

People of my age are still studying overseas. Enjoying every moment of their college life. Enjoying the fact that they have their love ones with them. No financial crisis at all. No this and that.

I am just being really pathetic right here.



I wish I am stronger.

You know you love me, xoxo.

We're All. Searching.

Insomniac sucks.

That's when I start to think a lot and get effin' exhausted easily. Wtf.

Just came back from base the previous day. Abrupt decision made - Headin' back to hometown after obtaining my medical leave. Christmas is so much different this year.

***

I just had dinner w/ my buddies earlier at this, should I say, one of the better places in Sibu where I can have fine dining - Cafe Cafe. It was pretty crowded, stuffed w/ human being of all kinds. Yes, celebrities and public figures were seen as well, so we're kinda, literally having dinner together in the same restaurant.

p/s: The owner is as cute as usual.

I have been longing to eat in that restaurant ever since I started flying around the world; sometimes it's feels nice to just, well, be back in my hometown and relax, having a peace of my mind? Sibu has changed a lot, like seriously. More cuisine's available, oh and McD has changed its location, yada yada yada... By the way the night view of Sibu from the window port in the aircraft was beautiful.

For a second, I was like, Sibu's not that bad after all.

Okay maybe except for the bumpy rides on he road.

***

A friend of mine just broke up w/ his girlfriend recently. I am BAD at consoling broken spirits. And I couldn't do much to help because it seriously takes time to heal the wound... Pathetic? Definitely. Painful? Undeniably. Depressed? Precisely.

Hence, I was thinking.

We're all living in this world trying so hard to find the best for ourselves. High school graduates trying to get into the right college studying the right course; A lady having a man kneeling down in front of her trying to win her hand of marriage; A Master's degree holder circling job vacancies advertised in papers etc.

I have been single for a few months already now. And frankly speaking, my previous broke-up hurt me a lot. Total devastation. Lessons learned, thought I could've forget everything overnight but that was only total crap. It took me a while to adjust to being single. And I do hope you will get over this soon, H. *Pat on the shoulder.

I've been looking forward to change my working environment as well, hopefully I'd get something better soon, and I shall lead a new chapter of life after grieving for the loss of Daddy. I need something better for Mummy and Henny. We deserve something better.

I've had enough.

So. We're all living in the world trying so hard to find the best for ourselves.

And that, takes time.

***

You know you love me, xoxo.

Post-Flight Depression.

It's always when the sky's turning dark.

When quietness is all around.

When I am all alone.

When I see Daddy's stuffs.

When I am gasping for breath after work.

I cry like shit. And I still feel him around.


Dear everyone that I love. Pleeees take good care of yourselves?

I can't afford to have Chocolate Indulgence every day to calm myself down should anything happens.

I feel vulnerable.

xoxo.

A Letter To God.

Dear God,


I cried so hard. I couldn't believe that Daddy left us so early.

At the age of 50.

I remembered Daddy used to tell me to do things slowly, to take a few moment to gasp for a breath, think clearly whenever I face problems. And to inform him whenever I am in any difficulty.

Daddy didn't want me to push myself too hard.

***

Daddy's an oil tanker. His job, I must say, is one of the most dangerous jobs ever existed in the world. His pay? Pfft.

My regret #1: I didn't manage to buy Daddy a life insurance.

Looking at his tattered bag that he used for work, I just couldn't help myself crying pitifully. In his bag were canned food+instant noodles. And all of them were crushed in the accident.

Regret #2: I didn't manage to take him to a fancy restaurant for a fancy dinner.

***

2/12/2010 - I just came back from Taipei the day Daddy died. Only God knows how broken my spirit was when I received Mummy+Henny's text messages.

I cried the whole way back to my hometown, Sibu. Choking. From my heart of despair.

Somehow deep in my heart, I was hoping that the whole incident was untrue. A lame joke. A prank just to teach me a lesson for doing something wrong in the past.

I wanted to see Daddy in the hospital bed, alive. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to smile at him. Hug him. And tell him how much I love him.

Deep regret #3: I didn't spare extra time to chat with Daddy whenever he called from his workplace.

It's not easy for him to receive good signals and call the rest of my family members. Not to mention about being able to reach me through the phone. I wished I had five more minutes? Okay maybe one more minute to express my love to Daddy?

It's all too late.

***

Regret #4: I didn't manage to go for a holiday with Daddy overseas. I didn't manage to let him feel the snow during winter. Wear a lovely trench coat like I always do.

I can still remember how cold his body was in the mortuary.

Regret #5: Screw Prada. I wanted to get him a tailored suit. And together we take a perfect family photo. Not to be able to wear a suit only when he's lying still in the coffin.

***

Deepest regrets of all in my whole life. I could only look at his body, apologize and tell him to rest in peace; I'll take over everything from now on.

Daddy's a real man. Memories flashed through my mind; he would sacrifice anything for us. He loves us very much. I wish I had showed as much love to him. I would trade in anything in my life to get him back, but I realize though, I should move on and accept this ugly truth. Daddy's no longer here with us.

May Daddy's soul be happy with God in heaven.

***

God, I've learnt my lesson this time. I shall appreciate my love ones, everyone beside me more.

Please let Mummy go through this strongly? I can't imagine the love of my life leaves me someday, I don't know how that feels, but I can see the sorrow in Mummy's eyes. Please let her know, that she still has Henny and me?

I will never let her suffer again no matter how.

God please bless all my relatives+friends who gave us the support we needed?

***

My teardrops poured like Niagara Falls and dried like rain in the dessert. And my life will never ever be the same.

Heading back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow. I have to face my work, again, whether I like it or not. I still have to carry out my responsibility.

God before I end this.

Just. Grant a lil' happiness in me?

I miss Daddy.

Yours truly,
Welister.
xoxo.

I'm Frozen. Insideout.

I hate doing nothing on off-days.

I was awake in the midnight, due to some noises out of my room, but whatever it was, I went back to sleep just in a short while after I woke up.

I felt cold. Air-cond remote control check: 21 degrees Celcius.

Again I woke up in my gloomy room full of darkness alone. Only rays of moonlight through the window and the lights from the living room could be seen on my bedroom door.

Pfft. Midnight depression syndrome.

Bounding for Beijing tomorrow. Weather forecast: Winter-1 degree Celcius.

Well I'm already frozen. Insideout. Xoxo.

Cowboy Cassanova.

Momma says, 'Pick a decent person to be the partner of your life.'

Ever since I was in primary school, my mum would always forbid me (and my sister, to be precise), to date anyone. Frankly speaking, my high school life was... boring? I'd never dated anyone out, until I met Thom when I was still working as a partime survey officer in KL and doing nursing course at the same time. There goes my first love.

So I think back.

How drastic my life has changed. From a smalltown boy who's inconfident of himself (As if I am now. *Rolliing eyes. Well at least I am less inconfident now.) to an independent person, I am glad that I've grown up. I quit my nursing course halfway through. I chose to pursue what I love. And I had chosen to be the way I am today.

Glad that I opened up to my sister. No regrets!

My past had taught me lessons to become a better person; and I don't wanna make the same mistake and fall in love with someone who would hurt me deeply again. However I got a feeling that I'm in deep trouble. MTFK.

Momma says, 'Pick a decent person to be the partner of your life.'

'He's a good time cowboy cassanova
leaning up against the record machine.

Looks like a cool drink of water
but he's candy-coated misery.

He's a devil in disguise, a snake w/ blue eyes,
and he only comes out at night.

Gives you feelings that you don't wanna fight
you better run for your life.'

- Cowboy Cassanova by Carrie Underwood

You know you love me. xoxo.

Stop and Stare.

Life can be pretty boring if you're having day-offs and you're having no plans at all... Well at least I had a relaxing trip in Langkawi Island for the past three days; owhhkay so that makes four days down, six more days to slaughter.

I miss the seashore. The waves. The breeze. The waterfall. The sunset. It's amazing that I could finally just forget every crap that I had in Kuala Lumpur for a second.

And getting the chance to change my perception towards certain things, hold on to my persistence and well, learn from what I encountered.

*Taking a deep breath.

Hui and I had a talk while having supper the previous dawn. Girly talk which normally I won't really talk to anyone about: My previous hardship esp. money kachinggg issues before I got my job as a flight attendant, my crappy love life and also my family.

So. My conclusion was, it's not easy to have people w/ 101% sincerity in various things they do; from conducting good work ethics to maintaining relationship w/ partners to get along w/ friends. Also, not everyone in this world would understand+give a F on the things that they're dealing with.

People gossip, cheat on their partners and maximize the usage of their own friends. Oh yeah you bet, those are the crappy things that happened to me before. Gettin' over those? Frankly speaking I am still trying very hard here to just put them all behind and face them more maturedly. But how?

It takes time I guess.

*Another deep breath.

Headin' back to my hometown a.k.a. Sibu later. And do nothing. Gotta surprise my mum. =)

A Journey of Self-Discovery+Improvement.

Shirley came over to Stellia's place recently and her place has eventually became the All The Single Cabin Crew Sanctuary. Despite the awfulness of the room.the mess.the roaches, I put up nights at her place as well to make myself feel less lonely(which I find useless as well).

So.

There goes my FIVE CONSECUTIVE day-offs. Well at least the third day was owhh-kay(Better, I mean) cuz Shirley and I talked to Aunty Elsie, the property lady, and I personally gained my drive to work like shit back. For the rest of my off-s, I felt as if everything that I did was wrong, meaningless.

I kept on wondering - What's wrong w/ me?
Enough said - I need a real new partner. No cheap dates please.

***

Mum's coming over. This. Is. Alarmingly. Crazy. I know that I sound like I'm a terrible person, or a terrible son, rather, but I am still not prepared for her arrival and getting my mum to stay at my place whatsoever and be the witness of my lifestyle. Her HOLINESS makes me feel like I'm a demon.

And I wonder if my mum(and my family) knows the real me. Would they still be the same? This has really been churning in my mind again and again and again. I realize I'd have to face this matter someday, by hook or by crook. Pity me, but I'd never give up.

Heading for Kaohsiung tomorrow. However, I somehow feel EMPTY, rather than ENERGISED+READY. Move on, Welister. Move on. Oughta change my mindset. I wish I had my ex's way of thinking.


'Ruin is the gift. Ruin is the gift for transformation of life.'
- Eat, Pray, Love.


You know you love me, xoxo.

P/s: And yes, Shirley, I am green w/ envy when you get to pick and choose while I get to dive and flap and... pick and choose. Spot the difference?

Low.

People tend to ask me questions. Sometimes, perhaps not because they're eager to give free counselling sessions/they care; it's because of their curiosity. And that's how news spread.

Awful night. With lemon vodka shots.
And I got super ugly.

xoxo.

Desert, Dessert.

Oh me oh my. What has this place turn outta be? A desert?

Just wanna share some pictures that I took recently, a mini-hangout w/ Dede @ The Gardens Mall during my single day-off.

And so we hung out at Baskin Robbins.

 

Abrupt decision made after that - A sleepover @ Dede's place. And I had a flight to rush to the next morning. Guess what, I reached home half an hour before my pick up the next day and I managed to get myself ready! Well, rushed like hell, of course, but seriously, I was thrilled for doing so for the first time!

***

My previous Beijing was great; Had a crush on my senior. I'm in love once again.
Hong Kong was greater; Shopped, ate, and bitched w/ nice crew set.

Hopefully my five days working trip tomorrow will be as great.

Laziness. Me. Shanghai.

It has been four consecutive off-days.

Apparently. Too many off-days in a row = Not a good idea.

I tend to be very lazy, like. Now. How I wish I could just... Stop the time?

Again. I am VERY LAZY. Headin' to Shanghai later.
You know you love me, xoxo.

Whoah-whoah Yay-yay.

Ahhh. Finally I'm having four off-days in a row. It's not easy for us, as flight attendants to have so-called 'many' off-days in a row, and even this, is just a result of me enduring various hardship and mutual swapped w/ my colleagues' roster.

It's been quite some time, and I have experienced lots then. I'm gonna jot these down one by one:

Whoah #1

I finally managed to get myself flying to Perth for the 1st time! It was quite hard to get this flight (at least for me, being a Mandarin crew), and I was super elated that I had that particular flight+crew set (I flew w/ my batchmate, Byrd.) And the best part is, I met up w/ bff Jenny!!!

 Jenny+Me+Burgers.

 Byrd+Me.

And I had a crush on my senior. I know this sounds so wrongggg.


Whoah #2
I talked back and being unprofessional to someone, according to that particular someone who was being professional enough to talk behind my back in the transport on our way to the hotel.

So from that flight (to Hong Kong, by the way), I learnt from her that being professional is showing annoyed+angry expressions all the time while working, not bothered to work hand in hand & assist colleagues, behaved grumpily, and wanting juniors to change their attitude to be long w/ the airline.

I wonder how awful my attitude was. I might not be the best steward YET, but I am 101% sure that I am a keen steward and I am willing to learn as much as I can.

Oops. I'm truly SORRY for being a keen learner.

Whoah #3

I met up w/ my soul sista's in Taipei. Love+miss them soooOOO much. I was elated when I saw them. 'Them', refering to @Liu, @Niu, @Wan, Leona and last but not least, Lucy. My recent Taipei nightstop wouldn't be superb w/o them.

Supper junkies.

Korean cuisine for my dinner.

Bonnie+Me.

So. Enough of the WHOAH-s. Gonna update my blog again soon, you know you love me. Xoxo.

I'm Back. And I'm Leaving Again.

3 consecutive same flight w/ the same pattern.
Not to mention full load.

Sunny market. Pfft.
So looking forward to be in Beijing during winter.

Loved the dinner though. Thanks for the treat, Captain Choo.

Having a work-trip again later, I suppose I'm pweettiee busy lately that this blog is gonna be pweettiee quiet as well.

Anyway. I know you love me. X.

Close To Schizophrenia.

Okay. I am green w/ envy. I mean GREEN W/ ENVY.

Wellie is extremely complicated. (Am, 2010)

Couldn't agree more.

Burberry Prorsum Spring/Summer 2011 Menswear Show: My Favs.

Moaning Morning.

Meanwhile waiting for any call-up duty.

And again, I woke up, got outta my bed and reluctantly dragging my body to the mini couch in the living room.

I felt empty. And lonely.

I tried calling the office, hoping that someone would just give me a flight and I'd turn on my workaholic mode.

Nobody picked up the phone.

I have an airport pass waiting to be renewed.

Yet I have no time to get it done at the office.

Having the urge of going to work but too lazy to move my butt is... Frustrating.

***

My previous flight to Beijing was crappy. Upsetting. I could only say I had a lot more to improve, that's it.

Hazy weather. A view from my room.

 Soccer players in the field.

Had a superb dinner w/ Natalie and Capt. Ong though.

Still waiting to be called up.

Moodless Evening.

It was a windy+cloudy evening. I felt like devouring fried chicken and cheesy wedges. 

And mashed potatoes. 

And Pepsi.

Was craving for KFC chicken the previous day. Eureka! Despite the rain, we went to the newly-open KFC in Kota Kemuning area. Possibly the biggest KFC, compared to the ones in Kuala Lumpur?

Went so-called 'studying' @ Starbucks in Taipan USJ before my flight. Ended up munching and well, there goes my 'study session'.

Finally I tried the typical Hiong Pia.

***

Headin' to Beijing early tomorrow. Haven't packed up my stuffs yet. Pretty much a slacker now.

You know you love me, xoxo.

Dai Ga Hou!!

Had my first flight to Hong Kong last Monday. I had the chance to work in the Business Class, again, this time on both sectors. I'd say I learnt a lot then.

Frankly speaking. My heart thumps rapidly everytime I do Airbus flights. Inconfident? Perhaps. I suppose it's the reason why I need more Airbus flights. Gotta brush up my working performance.

Pat on the shoulder, Wellie.

Our place of stay.

 Dim Sum for breakfast.

Got myself a milk tart and headed for a shopping spree.

Roast duck+pork rice for dinner.

There goes my short stay @ Hong Kong.
Headin' to Beijing after this. Again, another experience of arriving at a new place for the first time.

Pat on the shoulder, Wellie.

I'm Back.

After a while I decided to use back my lil' Blogger.com. It's pretty hard for me to maintain blog(s), w/ my new life as a steward I can hardly spend time sticking my face to my laptop screen and, blog.

However.

Hopefully I'd get more and more readers a.k.a. followers as time goes by.

***

Watched The A Team the day before I went Taipei. I'd give it 4/5!!

Bradley Cooper=Maximum hotness. Looking forward to go for a movie marathon. There goes my two-days off, I suppose.